56…that’s how old I will be next month. I don’t say that because it bothers me; I love being my age. I say it because I have come to realize, as I age, how many things don’t matter anymore the way they used to. Of course, the important things matter – God, my family, my friends, being happy in my job, among other things. God is most important – he gets me through every moment of every day. I have witnessed miracles in my life and my faith grows stronger each day. He has made me worry less and enjoy more. I’m thankful for my family; I’ve never felt as close to them as I do now. I’ve realized I have a few lifelong friends that mean the most to me. I love meeting new people, even as I get older, but none compare to the ones I have known for years – they know me and love me just as I am.
Now, I want to name the things that aren’t as important or that do not define who I am as a person. Where I live doesn’t matter – for years, I have wanted to up my credit score, save money and buy my own house, But, recently, I thought about the fact that I’m turning 56 this year and I do not want to be stuck in a mortgage loan for 15-30 years. I love where I live and the location, I don’t have to worry about repairs or maintenance, and I hate moving! What I wear doesn’t matter as long as I’m comfortable in what I’m wearing, then who cares if it’s “not for someone my age” or showing the little bit of cleavage I have? Also, I have been overweight most of my adult life having had four daughters and never really losing that “baby weight.” I try to stay active and eat healthy for the most part, but this year – YES, THIS YEAR – I bought a two piece bathing suit and I love it on me!! I actually feel good in it even with my hips, thighs, fupa, and cellulite! Don’t get me wrong – I still would love to get about fifty pounds off to just feel better and move easier but I am doing my best to embrace these curves! They make me ME!! I also realized in the last two years that my job is not about the money I make; it’s how it makes me feel. I’m a registered nurse and the highest paying job I had as a new nurse was $28/hour but I really didn’t love it like I thought it would. Much of that was due to management not being what it should have been, the hours sucked, I didn’t enjoy the drive or the time difference, and I got that dreaded feeling every time I had to go. The best thing about it was the patients I worked with which made it difficult to leave. I went from working as a jail nurse to almost 500 inmates to one client in pediatric home health which was something I never even considered doing. I was desperate for something else and I wanted to love my job. I didn’t want to dread it every day. I decided to take a chance and took a $3 an hour decrease in pay but the drive was better and it was four ten hour night shifts but I was able to choose the nights I wanted to work and what days I wanted off. I fell in love – I have a great client who has a great family, I have every weekend off, I learned to love nights and now I will never work anywhere else. You know why? Because I am truly happy – I don’t dread going to work, I love my schedule, it’s stress free and well worth the time I’m away from home. Most importantly, I know this family needs me and wants me there caring for their loved one. And, you know what? I need them, too.
Besides the recent loss of my fiance, I can truthfully say I’ve never been happier in my life. I’m not perfect and I don’t have a perfect life but how boring would that be anyway? We have to face challenges in life to become who we are, to grow our faith more and make us stronger. I don’t worry because Jesus is on my side and I have nothing to fear.
“For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I am the one who helps you.'” Isaiah 41:13